For Anyone Who's Ever Been Let Down

I watched my life unravel, slowly, thread by thread. First, I felt myself slipping back into my old way of thinking, and my optimism was tainted with negativity. Then, I kept secrets that weren't meant to be kept. The friendships I had were slowly growing distant, and trust was displaced as betrayal took its place. I look back on this time and only remember anger & tears mixed with sad songs.

It wasn't the fact it was over that bothered me, it was that he'd never said he was sorry.
It also wasn't the fact that she'd replaced me that hurt the most; it was that she never had time for me anymore, not even to return a simple phone call.

I remember praying that things would get better-that God would send me some friends who wouldn't let me down. As I was basking in self-pity and bitterness, I realized something I had never thought of before.

Despite my incessant complaining, Jesus managed to get some words in. He reminded me that He had been let down by His closest friends before. The biggest betrayal of Jesus that comes to my mind is that of Judas Iscariot. Who would sell their friend to people who wanted Him dead? Not only did Judas let him down, but His other friends did as well. When He was praying in the Garden before His crucifixion, His diciples couldn't even stay awake, though His life depended on it. After He was arrested, His friends scattered. Peter wouldn't even admit that he knew Jesus.

I began to realize how faithful Jesus is to me even when I am unfaithful. Am I not doing the same things to Him, that I am condemning my friends for? I don't always make time for Him. If I were a true friend, I would make Him a higher priority. I would sacrifice myself and my reputation for Him. Every time I do something that displeases him- every hateful thought that crosses my mind, every lie, every time I do the wrong thing when i clearly know the right- is it not a form of letting Him down? Is it not a complete display of ungratefulness and spite? He gave His life for me, not just to save me from Hell, but so He can spend eternity with me. Is there any greater love than this? No, of course not. And yet I find myself trying so hard to please people that don't even love me a fraction as much, while pushing Him aside. I put my own selfish desires (especially my desire to "fit in" and be accepted), above Him. Sometimes, my actions deny that I am a follower of Christ, so that people will think I am cool. Am I not any better than Peter, when He denied knowing Christ? I waste my time on pointless things and yet I'm "too busy" to pray. Am I not any better than the sleeping disciples? When I seek the approval of others, before the approval of Christ, am I not betraying Him blatantly and obviously? And yet, despite my lack of loyalty, Christ remains faithful, and keeps on loving me unconditionally. This is uncomprehendable.

I pray that I'll be the sort of friend (both to Jesus and to people) that He has been to me...